Monday, September 07, 2009

Only Boring People Get Bored.

I find that when I am not involved in something, be it school, a show, or just some kind of project, I get very depressed. It seems that I always need to be doing something or at least have a group of people to keep my mind off the fact that I'm not doing anything. I'm realizing this now because I'm taking of time from school to save money for the wedding. The Fiance has left so of course I'm upset about that. Also, I seemed to have lost some friends along the way that I didn't even realize had left. People I slowly sifted out of my life because I knew they were not leading me down a very good path. And yet I miss them. I miss the company most of all. I've also been living alone for the last month and a half, which gets INCREDIBLY lonely. When I was living in "The Mad House" with 3 other psychotic girls, I thought that it would be very nice to live alone. Not to have anyone get mad at you for leaving a crumb on the counter or leaving your shoes upstairs or blinking too many times. At first it was fun. Now its just depressing. Anyone who shows any interest in spending time with me, I cling too. That's how desperate I'm getting. I am NOT that person. I am just very VERY bored. I should be excited about planning a wedding and dress shopping and cake tasting but its all tastes very bitter when you can't afford it. Hence no school, hence no classes, hence no theater, hence no people, hence depression. I SHOULD NOT be feeling like this because I should be able to think of something clever and entertaining to do but I am having "entertainers" block. I should probably get a third job or something. I don't like being around "work people" because their lives are actually depressing and it makes me feel like a selfish idiot for feeling crappy. I should right a Requiem or an Opera or something. Too bad I don't have a piano...
I expect things to get much worse before they get better.

1 comment:

Captain Awesome said...

If you need an outlet for your creative side, you could always make youtube videos. Who knows, you could become an internet meme, or even make a series out of it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grCTXGW3sxQ
:-O

You're getting married. You COULD have art imitate life by doing a Bridezilla satire...

Whatever you do, don't start playing video games. You might not be able to stop.