Sunday, August 09, 2009

Damsels in Distress

I was talking to a friend recently about problems she was having with her boyfriend. After ranting for a while she got very quiet and started to tear up a little bit.
"Its my fault," she said, "I am expecting way to much out of him. I have suddenly developed this 'damsel in distress' complex. No body does that anymore, who does that? I can't have these expectations that he's going to fight for me like some *expletive* dude in some *expletive* fairy tale."

It was a very interesting point this young lady brought up, and the more I began thinking about it the more it occurred to me that all of us ladies have a small "D.I.D." complex. Maybe it is because we've been fed fairy tales all of our lives that this wonderful man is going to ride in, fight and kill if he has to, and sweep us off our feet. Its ridiculous to believe that this could ever happen in real life.

The D.I.D. complex doesn't necessarily call for such extremes but the expectation that someone would find you worthy enough to fight for is incredibly attracting. I think that it is a reflection of something greater. Several years ago we saw a cultural phenomenon with the movie, Titanic. Horrible inaccuracies aside, women were flocking to the theaters to see this movie over AND over again. I, of course, wasn't allowed to see it but I watched it a couple years ago while doing a show about The Titanic just to see why everyone was freaking out so much. Yes, Leonardo was cute, but really ladies, come ON! Then it occurred to me that it was the character himself that was so appealing to women. They had been reintroduced to a savior. Someone that loved a woman and would do anything for her, including dying for her. This type of character had gone into hiding for quite some time, replaced by a Don Juan, I don't give a crap, I just want that woman and that woman and that woman.
The character in Titanic reflected a very Christ-like character, be it on a very small level but still there. He was a man that sacrificed his life so that another could live. I'm not saying that every woman just wants a man to die a terrible death, though some might. They want a Christ-like love.

The problem with women is that they love fiercely and more often than not in this culture they can't find a man to be compatible with, therefore women will find other things to be their outlet. It may be their career, their children, addictions to sex or drugs, pretty much anything to share that love. Sometimes it can get a little scary, maybe a little "Fatal Attraction" but it all comes from a desire to need and be needed. Its what really separates us from men. Not saying at all that men do not love as fiercely as women, that would be very wrong of me to say. Woman have a very deep need to be needed, which men have too but just on a different level. We find now that men especially young adult men have lost the art of romance and challenge and fighting for a woman. It all comes a little to easy for them now. We have all gotten very very lazy. Women make it easy to be caught, going to bars, wearing skimpy clothing and standing with 10 or 12 different napkins with their numbers written on it. Even playing "hard to get" has been lost. Men no longer have to prove themselves to a woman.

Concerning the issue above, that dear young lady found herself with a young man and they had been dating for a few months but she felt like he no longer had to earn her affections but could just demand them. He probably felt that he already had the girl, what else did he have to do? This is a hole that the dating, engaged and even married man falls into all too easily. The hard part is over, getting her to date you, marry you, you've got that locked down. Unfortunately for you, women aren't satisfied with that. It is very easy to slip into the mind set that women are needy and that they are never satisfied, but love should never be satisfied. It is a hunger and it is a thirst that we need but that isn't always satisfied. God's thirst for us is never satisfied and will always be demanding more. I see men thirsting for it as well. They try to find satisfaction in becoming a serial dater, dating more than one woman, or just sleeping around. The depth of a relationship, married or otherwise, runs very deep. Our love for each other is a reflection of God's love for us. Too often its put on the back burner while career, friends, social activities etc. are given the front seat.

While almost every woman loves to love intensely, some would say dramatically, the "normal" man is terrified of that, especially when it comes to a wife. This intensity can terrify a man especially when it isn't "kept in check." I'm not quite sure why this is, maybe the demands and expectations of our culture. Women will bend and brake to this expectation in order to be loved and wanted at all. Women have been given the gift of fierce love and without it we could not survive. It is that love that allows us women to even think about bearing and bringing children into this world, to fulfill this wonderful covenant we have with God. A man to whom that deep love has been given, is a very lucky man. Any man who has been so deeply loved by a woman will tell you so. That love deserves to be nurtured, fought for, and earned. Its incredible how a woman will love you if you fight for her love, but unfortunately women have become cold and hard because no one is fighting on either side. Women aren't demanding it and men are running away from it when they do.

It is a strange fact that while women are without doubt the most lovable objects in the world, yet it is on a man that the greatest and most enduring passions are given.

A great many women go through life without ever having been loved by any man.

I very much doubt if any man ever went their entire lives without having been adored by some women.


Captain Awesome said...

Great post. My response turned into a full out entry.

Abecedarius Rex said...

the more things change, the more they stay the same. Thus the patterns of human life repeat, the whirlygig of time brings about its revenges, and human nature proves to be, as yet, unchanging.

If you want to see a movie about real heroism aboard the Titanic (and probably far more accurate to the real event - given the times) see this:
A Night To Remember
My favorite scene is where the father sets his wife and little children into the lifeboat and waves goodbye to them, refusing to take a place himself b/c he knows there are too few positions and too many people, knowing that he himself would probably die. Very moving. Very manly.

Erin Marie said...

That is a fantastic movie!

Good Thunder said...

It's so sad that so many girls run around trying to find some guy to worship rather than worshiping God. I mean really, even when you're married a quick way to destruction is to think that your spouse is going to solve all your problems and be your savior. The remedy to the "D.I.D" complex is not simply expecting more of a man, because a lot of times women worry about really stupid things and expect really stupid things (and I know it, being a woman), but simply changing the focus from trusting in man to trusting in Jesus. Women do love intensely, and it's great to love intensely- but if a woman pours all her love in a vessel that isn't meant to hold all of it, why should she be surprised when it spills all over the floor and is wasted? The only remedy is the first commandment- God is so practical isn't he? Loving God with all her heart, soul, and mind lets the woman remain full and herself even when the man is being an idiot, or when there is no man there to love the woman- and you can also pray for a man who will love you in that beautiful, normal, simple yet awesomely sacrificial way. Really, Christianity makes way too much sense. Isn't it nice?

God Bless you!!