Things dont always turn out...

Like you thought that they would!


But i love surprises...most of the time.

oh the french

I was reading "The Narnian," biography of C.S. Lewis and there's this story of how a very young Lewis (or Jacksie) approached his father and said,

"Father, I am prejudice against the french."

When his father asked him why, he said,

"I dont know, that's why its prejudice."

I thought that was funny.... and i quite agree.

What's the matter with kids today?

I was in the check out aisle of Target when i looked over and saw the latest PEOPLE magazine with a cute, precious, freckled red head on the cover. She had big, blue, doe eyes and a toothy grin. The picture next to that one was a picture taken 9 years later of a tanned, bleached blonde haired bimbo in the front seat of her car with her eyes closed, looking sick from obvious liquor and drug use. I was looking at Lindsay Lohan...obviously. I picked up the magazine and set it next to the bread, shoes, and shampoo I was buying (oh only at Target!)
I have a guilty secret; I am absolutly fascinated by Lindsay Lohan. Not because she's an actress or some what good looking or even that I am a gossip whore but because she is the Barbie doll representitive of the generation we are living in and surrounded by. She makes us ask the question, "what is wrong with these kids today??"
Truly, what is it about this young culture that makes them so utterly self destructive?
I go on to read the article and it tells me about her constant drug and alchohol use and her late night partying with outstanding memebers of the community like Paris Hilton and Mischa Barton. These girls will not stop until they are arrested for DUIs or put into rehab (which they will leave 2 weeks later.)
Of course I am appalled by this kind of behavior but also curious.
What would make a beautiful even slightly talented, america- adored girl, destroy herself?
Is this generation stained by something from the very beggining?
Do we sense the violence of our generation, a generation of "those who survived" and who did not die by their mother's "choice?"
I'm not talking just about Hollywood, the breeding ground for immorality and self-destructiveness, but of all of those who don't make it into the papers or magazines.
This generation has a serious problem.
Before people thought it was because they thought they were immortal...but that isn't the case.
They are reminded every day that they are not.
In fact they know how mortal they really are because every day they are consciously trying to kill themselves.

BUT WHY????

How do we raise good children in a disease infested generation, a generation that is told that they must drink themselves to death and then they will be happy?

It is a generation of such overwhelming violence and gangs and suicide.

What does this generation know about themselves that makes them this way? What do they sense?
Are we programmed to do this?

It makes me think first about the violence that was brought into this generation, not by those living in it but those before it and a little event called Roe vs Wade.

We are a culture of choice and only exist because your mother chose NOT to kill you.

Think about those aborted; your friends, your neighbors, your cousins and even your future spouse.

We are the ones who SURVIVED the culture of death.

Maybe thats why we are killing ourselves.

Down down down the rabbit hole....

I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"

Thank you, Alice, yes it is a puzzle.
For most of my life I have defined myself by other people or what other people have done to me.
I'm sorry I cant commit to a relationship today, i had a sick childhood!
Silly, silly Alice.We can't let the things that are done TO us to determine who we are. Its sounds so simple and should be easily executed.

Not quite.

After all,how easy is it to become a victim? Very easy actually. I've done it most of my life without much effort.And I was miserable.
It was easier for me to stay down after I was pushed by someone else than to actually pick myself up with my own free will, brush myself off and move on.
It takes strength of character and strength of spirit to get off that pavement. No one else is going to do it for you and thats a fact. It's so easy to say, "Well i was hurt, i have a right to...*fill in the blank ladies*"
No body learned anything from Mr. Easy.
The reality is, you determine how long you want to lie there. You determine how far you fall if you are pushed again. You learn to put your arms out in front of you and to catch yourself.Face it, you fell. We all do. But mommy isnt here any more to pick you up and kiss the boo-boos.
You control your own healing process by your WANT to be healed. I know some of us don't want to be because we like to wallow in our self pity. Wallowing should be left for shallow lakes on summer nights, not as a life practice.
It's time to come to grips with reality. Sacrifice and suffering are a part of life. You need to embrace it, carry it and take yourself down from it when it is finished.You are not alone in this walk to Calvary. But you must want it.
Other wise you have no one to blame but yourself.


"But then, shall I never get any older than I am now? That'll be a comfort, one way -- never to be an old woman -- but then -- always to have lessons to learn!"

Two steps forward, one step back...

I think I've gotten to place where everything is "alright."
I am really happy to be here because these last few weeks have been hell!

I've never considered myself the "crying" type unless the situation absolutley calls for some tear-age.
I like to stock up just in case something REALLY sad happens and then I have plenty!

I've been crying a lot lately. For no apparent reason really, just standing around at home by myself and I just hit the deck!
I guess I've been given the 'gift of tears' but i really wish it came with a receipt!

You really don't know how much maturing needs to be done in your life til God makes you suffer.
Then you know!

That's all for now!

Not letting school interfere with my education!!

This semester I decided to take a logic class because it takes care of my math credit and it sounded very intersting. It is symbolic logic, sort of like math using symbols and doing proofs using these symbols etc. So I opened my book to start my homework when I read the first quote of the book:

"At present wives, just as much as prosititutes, live by the sale of their sexual charms; and even in temporary free relations the man is usually expected to bear all the joint expenses. The result is that there is a sordid entanglement of money with sex, and that women's motives not infrequently have a mercenary element. Sex, even when blessed by the Church, ought not to be a profession...." Betrand Russell (so called founder of symbolic logic)

Now imagine my surprise when I thought I would be taking a MATH like class and instead am taking Feminazi's 101! It get's even worse as the text goes on. He (yes the writer of this books is a man) wants to show what a logical argument might look like:

A) Getting married is something, that someday, I would like to do.

B) I hope you enjoy being abused! Whenever you consider marriage I think you should go to a crowded shopping center on a Friday night, and notice all the snarling.

B is obviously making inferences from shopping- center experiences to marriage in general, and then to A's intended involvement. A rather compelte (but by no meands the only possible) expansion of reasoning follows.... and he goes on to mock marriage even more.

To put this in perspective for you so you understand why this is so frustrating, it would be like opening your geology book and the first quote being a pro-choice rant. It has nothing to do with what we are learning. It is a constant, obnoxious theme throughout the ENTIRE book from beginning to end.

I really don't know how I am going to handle this year... pray for my sanity and self control!