I am here. Fear not. Can you really trust me? I am a God of Power, as well as a Man of Love, so human and yet so divine.
Just trust. I cannot, and will not fail you. All is well.
Courage.
Many are praying for you both.
Listen, listen, I am your Lord. Before me there is none other. Just trust Me in everything. Help is here all the time.
The difficult way is nearly over, but you have learnt in it lessons you could learn in no other way. "the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence and the violent take it by force."
Wrest from Me, by firm and simple trust and persistent prayer, the treasures of my kingdom.
Such wonderful things are coming to you, Joy-peace-assurance-security-health-happines-laughter.
Claim big, really big things now. Remember, nothing is too big. Satisfy the longing of My heart to give. Blessing, abundant blessing on you both, now and always.Peace.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
I left my heart in the principal's office
Last friday we had adoration at school, we do so every first friday of the month.
I can always expect something to happen to me while in adoration. My mind is quiet and the people around me are quiet and thats when my souls likes to scream at me. During this particular adoration it hadnt even been 5 minutes before my heart began to stur and i suddenly started to cry which isnt THAT un-usual but these were different tears. I cant really describe them but suddenly in the back of my mind i suddenly heard very distinclty, "Go talk to mr. Ferdinandt," (our head of the upper school or principal.) It was so strange that i just decided to ignore it and not pay attention to something so ridiculous. But as i sat there and prayed the voice just kept nagging me and nagging me till i absolutly had to go downstairs and talk to him. When i asked the secretary she said he was in a meeting and that i could leave him a message if i wanted. I said fine and gave up on that endevour dismissing it for insanity. When i got back to the chapel, i suddenly became freezing. I was shaking so hard and i couldnt figure out why. I looked around at the other people in the chapel, and no one seemed to notice the temperature drop. i went another period of the school day in the adoration chapel and i couldnt shake the freezing feeling. Finally fourth period came around and just as i was walking into mrs. spears' very long very boring finance class, mr. ferdinandt came up behind me and asked if i still needed to talk to him. Now this would have been the best time just to back out and say "oh no, im fine, its nothing, im just crazy!" but i suddenly became freezing again and the voice was screaming, "talk to him you ignorant fool!" So i went downstairs with him to his office and sat opposite him while he sat in his desk. Coming into the room i had absolutly no idea what i was going to say to him or how i was going to explane the strange desire to talk to him. So i just sat down with an open mind and allowed him to speak first. He looked right at me and asked,"What is it, Erin?"
At that moment i broke down crying and began to spill my entire life story out to him. Every problem that had been eating away at me for years i began to confess to my highschool principal. I couldnt beleive how even his demeanor helped me. His just sitting there and listening, without any kind of bias or judgment or even his own issues to talk to me about was just the thing i needed. I desperatly needed to talk to someone who didnt have their own problems and who wasnt going to unload them on me when I needed help. I have never told an adult the things i told him before and it was very hard at first but before i knew it i was telling him everything. Everything he said to me after my outburst was exactly what i needed to hear. He suggested that i speak to someome, like a 'psychiotrist' i guess, and that he would happily pay for it and my parents wouldnt need to know because i am 18. I never ever thought of speaking to someone professional about my 'issues' but now that he suggests it, it sounds like the best thing to do and it can only help. He would talk to some of the people he trusted, who were reliable and most likely catholic so they wouldnt try to brain wash me and tell me i need to be sexually active in order to be healthy...( i dont know if that actuall happens but you get the idea)
So, anyway, i never ever thought i would be sitting down with my highschool principal discussing my deepest secrets with him. It really goes to show what kind of school Providence is. It truly has been providential in my life and is truly, truly a blessing, and i really hope to come back and teach someday or send my kids there.
im not quite ready to leave it...but at the same time i am.
Taking it day by day i guess!
I can always expect something to happen to me while in adoration. My mind is quiet and the people around me are quiet and thats when my souls likes to scream at me. During this particular adoration it hadnt even been 5 minutes before my heart began to stur and i suddenly started to cry which isnt THAT un-usual but these were different tears. I cant really describe them but suddenly in the back of my mind i suddenly heard very distinclty, "Go talk to mr. Ferdinandt," (our head of the upper school or principal.) It was so strange that i just decided to ignore it and not pay attention to something so ridiculous. But as i sat there and prayed the voice just kept nagging me and nagging me till i absolutly had to go downstairs and talk to him. When i asked the secretary she said he was in a meeting and that i could leave him a message if i wanted. I said fine and gave up on that endevour dismissing it for insanity. When i got back to the chapel, i suddenly became freezing. I was shaking so hard and i couldnt figure out why. I looked around at the other people in the chapel, and no one seemed to notice the temperature drop. i went another period of the school day in the adoration chapel and i couldnt shake the freezing feeling. Finally fourth period came around and just as i was walking into mrs. spears' very long very boring finance class, mr. ferdinandt came up behind me and asked if i still needed to talk to him. Now this would have been the best time just to back out and say "oh no, im fine, its nothing, im just crazy!" but i suddenly became freezing again and the voice was screaming, "talk to him you ignorant fool!" So i went downstairs with him to his office and sat opposite him while he sat in his desk. Coming into the room i had absolutly no idea what i was going to say to him or how i was going to explane the strange desire to talk to him. So i just sat down with an open mind and allowed him to speak first. He looked right at me and asked,"What is it, Erin?"
At that moment i broke down crying and began to spill my entire life story out to him. Every problem that had been eating away at me for years i began to confess to my highschool principal. I couldnt beleive how even his demeanor helped me. His just sitting there and listening, without any kind of bias or judgment or even his own issues to talk to me about was just the thing i needed. I desperatly needed to talk to someone who didnt have their own problems and who wasnt going to unload them on me when I needed help. I have never told an adult the things i told him before and it was very hard at first but before i knew it i was telling him everything. Everything he said to me after my outburst was exactly what i needed to hear. He suggested that i speak to someome, like a 'psychiotrist' i guess, and that he would happily pay for it and my parents wouldnt need to know because i am 18. I never ever thought of speaking to someone professional about my 'issues' but now that he suggests it, it sounds like the best thing to do and it can only help. He would talk to some of the people he trusted, who were reliable and most likely catholic so they wouldnt try to brain wash me and tell me i need to be sexually active in order to be healthy...( i dont know if that actuall happens but you get the idea)
So, anyway, i never ever thought i would be sitting down with my highschool principal discussing my deepest secrets with him. It really goes to show what kind of school Providence is. It truly has been providential in my life and is truly, truly a blessing, and i really hope to come back and teach someday or send my kids there.
im not quite ready to leave it...but at the same time i am.
Taking it day by day i guess!
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