I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"
Thank you, Alice, yes it is a puzzle.
For most of my life I have defined myself by other people or what other people have done to me.
I'm sorry I cant commit to a relationship today, i had a sick childhood!
Silly, silly Alice.We can't let the things that are done TO us to determine who we are. Its sounds so simple and should be easily executed.
Not quite.
After all,how easy is it to become a victim? Very easy actually. I've done it most of my life without much effort.And I was miserable.
It was easier for me to stay down after I was pushed by someone else than to actually pick myself up with my own free will, brush myself off and move on.
It takes strength of character and strength of spirit to get off that pavement. No one else is going to do it for you and thats a fact. It's so easy to say, "Well i was hurt, i have a right to...*fill in the blank ladies*"
No body learned anything from Mr. Easy.
The reality is, you determine how long you want to lie there. You determine how far you fall if you are pushed again. You learn to put your arms out in front of you and to catch yourself.Face it, you fell. We all do. But mommy isnt here any more to pick you up and kiss the boo-boos.
You control your own healing process by your WANT to be healed. I know some of us don't want to be because we like to wallow in our self pity. Wallowing should be left for shallow lakes on summer nights, not as a life practice.
It's time to come to grips with reality. Sacrifice and suffering are a part of life. You need to embrace it, carry it and take yourself down from it when it is finished.You are not alone in this walk to Calvary. But you must want it.
Other wise you have no one to blame but yourself.
"But then, shall I never get any older than I am now? That'll be a comfort, one way -- never to be an old woman -- but then -- always to have lessons to learn!"
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3 comments:
Hmm... I like you. This was actually a really great post for me because I've really been struggling with the whole, what I fell down? You mean, I really have to get back up again and do it all over? Lame. But if you insist.
Thanks booboo and I hope all is well on your side of the tracks! Cheers!
i know that this is really obvious in your post but you are what you want to be and if you put your mind to you can do anything. and you have so much talent that your range of possibilties is unlimated. there is something that you are struggling with that i cannot understand. all that i can do is wish the best for you. keeping you in my prayers.
`That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at the sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in existence; `and now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed back to the little door: but, alas! the little door was shut again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as before, `and things are worse than ever,' thought the poor child, `for I never was so small as this before, never! And I declare it's too bad, that it is!'
As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. He first idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, `and in that case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine feet high.
`I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out. `I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That will be a queer thing, to be sure! However, everything is queer to-day.'
~Alice: Book I; ch 2
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