I find that when I am not involved in something, be it school, a show, or just some kind of project, I get very depressed. It seems that I always need to be doing something or at least have a group of people to keep my mind off the fact that I'm not doing anything. I'm realizing this now because I'm taking of time from school to save money for the wedding. The Fiance has left so of course I'm upset about that. Also, I seemed to have lost some friends along the way that I didn't even realize had left. People I slowly sifted out of my life because I knew they were not leading me down a very good path. And yet I miss them. I miss the company most of all. I've also been living alone for the last month and a half, which gets INCREDIBLY lonely. When I was living in "The Mad House" with 3 other psychotic girls, I thought that it would be very nice to live alone. Not to have anyone get mad at you for leaving a crumb on the counter or leaving your shoes upstairs or blinking too many times. At first it was fun. Now its just depressing. Anyone who shows any interest in spending time with me, I cling too. That's how desperate I'm getting. I am NOT that person. I am just very VERY bored. I should be excited about planning a wedding and dress shopping and cake tasting but its all tastes very bitter when you can't afford it. Hence no school, hence no classes, hence no theater, hence no people, hence depression. I SHOULD NOT be feeling like this because I should be able to think of something clever and entertaining to do but I am having "entertainers" block. I should probably get a third job or something. I don't like being around "work people" because their lives are actually depressing and it makes me feel like a selfish idiot for feeling crappy. I should right a Requiem or an Opera or something. Too bad I don't have a piano...
I expect things to get much worse before they get better.
Monday, September 07, 2009
Sunday, August 09, 2009
Damsels in Distress
I was talking to a friend recently about problems she was having with her boyfriend. After ranting for a while she got very quiet and started to tear up a little bit.
"Its my fault," she said, "I am expecting way to much out of him. I have suddenly developed this 'damsel in distress' complex. No body does that anymore, who does that? I can't have these expectations that he's going to fight for me like some *expletive* dude in some *expletive* fairy tale."
It was a very interesting point this young lady brought up, and the more I began thinking about it the more it occurred to me that all of us ladies have a small "D.I.D." complex. Maybe it is because we've been fed fairy tales all of our lives that this wonderful man is going to ride in, fight and kill if he has to, and sweep us off our feet. Its ridiculous to believe that this could ever happen in real life.
Maybe.
The D.I.D. complex doesn't necessarily call for such extremes but the expectation that someone would find you worthy enough to fight for is incredibly attracting. I think that it is a reflection of something greater. Several years ago we saw a cultural phenomenon with the movie, Titanic. Horrible inaccuracies aside, women were flocking to the theaters to see this movie over AND over again. I, of course, wasn't allowed to see it but I watched it a couple years ago while doing a show about The Titanic just to see why everyone was freaking out so much. Yes, Leonardo was cute, but really ladies, come ON! Then it occurred to me that it was the character himself that was so appealing to women. They had been reintroduced to a savior. Someone that loved a woman and would do anything for her, including dying for her. This type of character had gone into hiding for quite some time, replaced by a Don Juan, I don't give a crap, I just want that woman and that woman and that woman.
The character in Titanic reflected a very Christ-like character, be it on a very small level but still there. He was a man that sacrificed his life so that another could live. I'm not saying that every woman just wants a man to die a terrible death, though some might. They want a Christ-like love.
The problem with women is that they love fiercely and more often than not in this culture they can't find a man to be compatible with, therefore women will find other things to be their outlet. It may be their career, their children, addictions to sex or drugs, pretty much anything to share that love. Sometimes it can get a little scary, maybe a little "Fatal Attraction" but it all comes from a desire to need and be needed. Its what really separates us from men. Not saying at all that men do not love as fiercely as women, that would be very wrong of me to say. Woman have a very deep need to be needed, which men have too but just on a different level. We find now that men especially young adult men have lost the art of romance and challenge and fighting for a woman. It all comes a little to easy for them now. We have all gotten very very lazy. Women make it easy to be caught, going to bars, wearing skimpy clothing and standing with 10 or 12 different napkins with their numbers written on it. Even playing "hard to get" has been lost. Men no longer have to prove themselves to a woman.
Concerning the issue above, that dear young lady found herself with a young man and they had been dating for a few months but she felt like he no longer had to earn her affections but could just demand them. He probably felt that he already had the girl, what else did he have to do? This is a hole that the dating, engaged and even married man falls into all too easily. The hard part is over, getting her to date you, marry you, you've got that locked down. Unfortunately for you, women aren't satisfied with that. It is very easy to slip into the mind set that women are needy and that they are never satisfied, but love should never be satisfied. It is a hunger and it is a thirst that we need but that isn't always satisfied. God's thirst for us is never satisfied and will always be demanding more. I see men thirsting for it as well. They try to find satisfaction in becoming a serial dater, dating more than one woman, or just sleeping around. The depth of a relationship, married or otherwise, runs very deep. Our love for each other is a reflection of God's love for us. Too often its put on the back burner while career, friends, social activities etc. are given the front seat.
While almost every woman loves to love intensely, some would say dramatically, the "normal" man is terrified of that, especially when it comes to a wife. This intensity can terrify a man especially when it isn't "kept in check." I'm not quite sure why this is, maybe the demands and expectations of our culture. Women will bend and brake to this expectation in order to be loved and wanted at all. Women have been given the gift of fierce love and without it we could not survive. It is that love that allows us women to even think about bearing and bringing children into this world, to fulfill this wonderful covenant we have with God. A man to whom that deep love has been given, is a very lucky man. Any man who has been so deeply loved by a woman will tell you so. That love deserves to be nurtured, fought for, and earned. Its incredible how a woman will love you if you fight for her love, but unfortunately women have become cold and hard because no one is fighting on either side. Women aren't demanding it and men are running away from it when they do.
It is a strange fact that while women are without doubt the most lovable objects in the world, yet it is on a man that the greatest and most enduring passions are given.
"Its my fault," she said, "I am expecting way to much out of him. I have suddenly developed this 'damsel in distress' complex. No body does that anymore, who does that? I can't have these expectations that he's going to fight for me like some *expletive* dude in some *expletive* fairy tale."
It was a very interesting point this young lady brought up, and the more I began thinking about it the more it occurred to me that all of us ladies have a small "D.I.D." complex. Maybe it is because we've been fed fairy tales all of our lives that this wonderful man is going to ride in, fight and kill if he has to, and sweep us off our feet. Its ridiculous to believe that this could ever happen in real life.
Maybe.
The D.I.D. complex doesn't necessarily call for such extremes but the expectation that someone would find you worthy enough to fight for is incredibly attracting. I think that it is a reflection of something greater. Several years ago we saw a cultural phenomenon with the movie, Titanic. Horrible inaccuracies aside, women were flocking to the theaters to see this movie over AND over again. I, of course, wasn't allowed to see it but I watched it a couple years ago while doing a show about The Titanic just to see why everyone was freaking out so much. Yes, Leonardo was cute, but really ladies, come ON! Then it occurred to me that it was the character himself that was so appealing to women. They had been reintroduced to a savior. Someone that loved a woman and would do anything for her, including dying for her. This type of character had gone into hiding for quite some time, replaced by a Don Juan, I don't give a crap, I just want that woman and that woman and that woman.
The character in Titanic reflected a very Christ-like character, be it on a very small level but still there. He was a man that sacrificed his life so that another could live. I'm not saying that every woman just wants a man to die a terrible death, though some might. They want a Christ-like love.
The problem with women is that they love fiercely and more often than not in this culture they can't find a man to be compatible with, therefore women will find other things to be their outlet. It may be their career, their children, addictions to sex or drugs, pretty much anything to share that love. Sometimes it can get a little scary, maybe a little "Fatal Attraction" but it all comes from a desire to need and be needed. Its what really separates us from men. Not saying at all that men do not love as fiercely as women, that would be very wrong of me to say. Woman have a very deep need to be needed, which men have too but just on a different level. We find now that men especially young adult men have lost the art of romance and challenge and fighting for a woman. It all comes a little to easy for them now. We have all gotten very very lazy. Women make it easy to be caught, going to bars, wearing skimpy clothing and standing with 10 or 12 different napkins with their numbers written on it. Even playing "hard to get" has been lost. Men no longer have to prove themselves to a woman.
Concerning the issue above, that dear young lady found herself with a young man and they had been dating for a few months but she felt like he no longer had to earn her affections but could just demand them. He probably felt that he already had the girl, what else did he have to do? This is a hole that the dating, engaged and even married man falls into all too easily. The hard part is over, getting her to date you, marry you, you've got that locked down. Unfortunately for you, women aren't satisfied with that. It is very easy to slip into the mind set that women are needy and that they are never satisfied, but love should never be satisfied. It is a hunger and it is a thirst that we need but that isn't always satisfied. God's thirst for us is never satisfied and will always be demanding more. I see men thirsting for it as well. They try to find satisfaction in becoming a serial dater, dating more than one woman, or just sleeping around. The depth of a relationship, married or otherwise, runs very deep. Our love for each other is a reflection of God's love for us. Too often its put on the back burner while career, friends, social activities etc. are given the front seat.
While almost every woman loves to love intensely, some would say dramatically, the "normal" man is terrified of that, especially when it comes to a wife. This intensity can terrify a man especially when it isn't "kept in check." I'm not quite sure why this is, maybe the demands and expectations of our culture. Women will bend and brake to this expectation in order to be loved and wanted at all. Women have been given the gift of fierce love and without it we could not survive. It is that love that allows us women to even think about bearing and bringing children into this world, to fulfill this wonderful covenant we have with God. A man to whom that deep love has been given, is a very lucky man. Any man who has been so deeply loved by a woman will tell you so. That love deserves to be nurtured, fought for, and earned. Its incredible how a woman will love you if you fight for her love, but unfortunately women have become cold and hard because no one is fighting on either side. Women aren't demanding it and men are running away from it when they do.
It is a strange fact that while women are without doubt the most lovable objects in the world, yet it is on a man that the greatest and most enduring passions are given.
A great many women go through life without ever having been loved by any man.
I very much doubt if any man ever went their entire lives without having been adored by some women.Friday, February 27, 2009
Feminine Wiles
I was having an interesting conversation with my younger sister the other day, she is 16, about femininity and how she thinks women should act. I was very surprised and a little shocked when she told me that she agreed with women who used their sexuality to get what they wanted from men. Her defense for this was that women had been used for hundreds of years for sex and therefore it was appropriate and right for them to turn the tables on men and use sex against them or for their own benefits. After I picked my jaw off the floor, and decided NOT to call the principle of her school demanding to know what they were teaching, I realized I didn't quite know where to begin with my sister. I wonder if I had somehow failed as the eldest to teach proper feminine etiquette or...something. My sisters had never seen me strutting around the house in short shorts and halter tops. I had only recently begun to wear 2 piece swimsuits with a 6 foot towl wrapped around me. It frightend me, ever so slightly, that this was how my sister viewed things. Unfortunately I saw that this was how most women viewed sex and sexuality, as a game. The art, power and beauty of femininity had been lost somewhere throughout the years, yes, but now it had been lost to even "good Catholic girls." I would most definitely not call my self an expert in these matters but wouldn't say that I am completely incompetent. I began to understand the power of my own feminity when I started dating my boyfriend about 8 months ago. He once said, "Erin before I met you I didn't quite understand why men, a long time ago, used to make such a fuss over seeing women's ankles. Now I get it."
I'm pretty sure what he was refering to was how rarely I exposed my legs and never wore scantely clad outfits even in the summer time. I realized then that I wasn't trying to attract attention, I was even trying to avoid it, and yet I was holding my boyfriend by a string wrapped around my pinky finger. That was never my intention at all. Still, I possesed a great power that I hadn't been previously made aware of.
Women don't understand any more the strength and force they possess by just being women. They have lost the mystery. They just lay it all out there for men to come sniffing around like dogs so they can put them on leashes. I used to love watching scenes in classic movies where a woman, modestly dressed, would make men fall over or run into a pole or spill their beer just by walking down the street. There was always a grace and elegance she carried with her and possessed that has been replaced by booty shorts and a "shirt" that resembles women's lingerie.
I wouldn't really know where to begin in recovering the lost art of femininity. It needs to start with the young women. I cannot stress enough to the young girls that I talk to about the importance of being womanly and that there is nothing wrong or weak about it. Women have more power than they realize and its time to rediscover it.
I'm pretty sure what he was refering to was how rarely I exposed my legs and never wore scantely clad outfits even in the summer time. I realized then that I wasn't trying to attract attention, I was even trying to avoid it, and yet I was holding my boyfriend by a string wrapped around my pinky finger. That was never my intention at all. Still, I possesed a great power that I hadn't been previously made aware of.
Women don't understand any more the strength and force they possess by just being women. They have lost the mystery. They just lay it all out there for men to come sniffing around like dogs so they can put them on leashes. I used to love watching scenes in classic movies where a woman, modestly dressed, would make men fall over or run into a pole or spill their beer just by walking down the street. There was always a grace and elegance she carried with her and possessed that has been replaced by booty shorts and a "shirt" that resembles women's lingerie.
I wouldn't really know where to begin in recovering the lost art of femininity. It needs to start with the young women. I cannot stress enough to the young girls that I talk to about the importance of being womanly and that there is nothing wrong or weak about it. Women have more power than they realize and its time to rediscover it.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Obama Nation
In this 2008 Presidential race, America has been witness to one of the most staunchly pro-abortion candidates in years and now he is in fact our president. Here is a quote from the man himself on this issue:
"There will always be people, many of goodwill, who do not share my view on the issue of choice. On this fundamental issue, I will not yield and Planned Parenthood will not yield." - Obama
There is so much overwhelming irony in Barack Obama's position on abortion. First of all, if anyone hasn't noticed. Obama is in fact an African American man. An African American man states that he will fight hand in hand with Planned Parenthood to protect this fundamental issue, being the right for a woman to choose to slaughter her unborn child. The founder and and leader of Planned Parenthood and abortion revolution is Margaret Sanger. Indeed if she were alive today she and Barak Obama would be the best of friends, fighting ceaselessly to protect this beautiful right. Let us see what dear Margaret has to say about the abortion issue:
"We should hire three or four colored ministers, preferably with social-service backgrounds, and with engaging personalities. The most successful educational approach to the Negro is through a religious appeal. We don't want the word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population. and the minister is the man who can straighten out that idea if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members." -Sanger
Oh dear. Seems to me that Maggie appears to be a bit of a racist. What exactly is she saying here? Not sure...well here's another:
"Birth control must lead ultimately to a cleaner race."
Would you like a few more?
"We do not want word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population."
"Birth control: to create a race of thoroughbreds."
"Those least fit to carry on the race are increasing most rapidly. … Funds that should be
used to raise the standard of our civilization are diverted to maintenance of those who
should never have been born."
If indeed Pres. Obama is fighting for the same ideals of Planned Parenthood like he undeniably states it seems to me that he is fighting for the elimination of his own race. I find this a little disturbing considering it was a great percentage of his race that got him elected.
This can't possibly be what Obama wants, after all, "no one is pro-abortion." Indeed no. After all, abortion is the only right that the liberals think every woman should have but the thing that they all wish didn't exist. No body WANTS to have an abortion...but everyone should have the right to have one should they choose.
"I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby" -Obama
No, no one should be punished with a horrible thing like a baby. So, tonight when Barak has the nanny tuck in his dear little daughters they will be told stories of values and morals that they should uphold and reflect. Maybe they will even be shown pictures of a partial birth abortion.
"On an issue like partial birth abortion, I strongly believe that the state can properly restrict late-term abortions. I have said so repeatedly. All I've said is we should have a provision to protect the health of the mother, and many of the bills that came before me didn't have that." - Obama
Ladies and Gentlemen, your new president;
Q: What is your view on the decision on partial-birth abortion and your reaction to most of the public agreeing with the court's holding?
A: I think that most Americans recognize that this is a profoundly difficult issue for the women and families who make these decisions. They don't make them casually. And I trust women to make these decisions in conjunction with their doctors and their families and their clergy. And I think that's where most Americans are. Now, when you describe a specific procedure that accounts for less than 1% of the abortions that take place, then naturally, people get concerned, and I think legitimately so. But the broader issue here is: Do women have the right to make these profoundly difficult decisions? And I trust them to do it. There is a broader issue: Can we move past some of the debates around which we disagree and can we start talking about the things we do agree on? Reducing teen pregnancy; making it less likely for women to find themselves in these circumstances. ''
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I know, I know...
I have had almost no time to write or breathe for that matter.
A lot of things have been happening in my life between shows and school and work. I have done three shows this semester and each one has been so amazing.
The season started out with Our Town by Thornton Wilder. I was lucky enough to be cast as Emily Webb, a role I was reluctant about at first. I read this play in 9th grade at Trinity so my opinions of it were, obviously, tainted. I asked that if at all possible, I not be cast at all so of course, I got the lead. After working on this show for a couple of weeks, I started to really enjoy it and by the end was very upset that it was over.
The second show I did has probably been my favorite show I have ever done and it was Man of La Mancha. I was blessed enough to also be cast as the lead in this one as well as the role of Aldonza. This is truly, truly a remarkable show. At first I was hesitant because Aldonza is a whore... yes, a genuine whore. I didn't know how I felt about portraying myself that way. Also there is a very violent rape scene that involved me and 5 other guys. I worked extensively with my director and even though it was a very hard scene to get through, I felt very safe. I honestly feel that this has been the best show I have ever done. I got incredible feed back from it and requests from several directors who came and saw the show. I also had the remarkable privilege to meet Mr. Dan Rodden, an equity actor from Chicago that was hired to play Don Quixote. He was such a joy to work with and truly a remarkable actor. I still keep in contact with him and we remain very very good friends.
Even before La Mancha ended I started my 3rd show, Dancing at Lughnasa; an Irish Catholic play about 5 poor sisters. It was a hard transistion to move from La Mancha, which was incredible, to a pretty slow paced show about Irish women. I went from playing a prostitute to a 40 year old irish catholic school teacher. What a leap! It was a challenge that I took on willingly and had a lot of fun with. This show did not do as well as La Mancha and was not really for college student audiences but I did enjoy it. We closed this weekend and it was rather sad because it was my last show at Normandale.
After La Mancah ended I decided to take a risk and audition at The Chanhassen Dinner theater. They are an incredibly exclusive theater and so when I got even a call back I was very surprised. A week later I got a call offering me the lead in their mainstage production of the musical, SWING. I was completely in shock and still am. It is going to be an incredibly tough process with only one day off a week and 8 shows per week but I am so so excited for it!
I have been working hard to maintain a 3.8 GPA which has only been a struggle due to so many other outside commitments. I have really enjoyed all the classes I am taking especially my Drama in Literature class. I get to read and write about plays all week... who wouldn't like that!
Now that I have a little more down time for a while, I will work very hard to write in here more often because I have quite a few things to say that I haven't had time before to rant about!
A lot of things have been happening in my life between shows and school and work. I have done three shows this semester and each one has been so amazing.
The season started out with Our Town by Thornton Wilder. I was lucky enough to be cast as Emily Webb, a role I was reluctant about at first. I read this play in 9th grade at Trinity so my opinions of it were, obviously, tainted. I asked that if at all possible, I not be cast at all so of course, I got the lead. After working on this show for a couple of weeks, I started to really enjoy it and by the end was very upset that it was over.
The second show I did has probably been my favorite show I have ever done and it was Man of La Mancha. I was blessed enough to also be cast as the lead in this one as well as the role of Aldonza. This is truly, truly a remarkable show. At first I was hesitant because Aldonza is a whore... yes, a genuine whore. I didn't know how I felt about portraying myself that way. Also there is a very violent rape scene that involved me and 5 other guys. I worked extensively with my director and even though it was a very hard scene to get through, I felt very safe. I honestly feel that this has been the best show I have ever done. I got incredible feed back from it and requests from several directors who came and saw the show. I also had the remarkable privilege to meet Mr. Dan Rodden, an equity actor from Chicago that was hired to play Don Quixote. He was such a joy to work with and truly a remarkable actor. I still keep in contact with him and we remain very very good friends.
Even before La Mancha ended I started my 3rd show, Dancing at Lughnasa; an Irish Catholic play about 5 poor sisters. It was a hard transistion to move from La Mancha, which was incredible, to a pretty slow paced show about Irish women. I went from playing a prostitute to a 40 year old irish catholic school teacher. What a leap! It was a challenge that I took on willingly and had a lot of fun with. This show did not do as well as La Mancha and was not really for college student audiences but I did enjoy it. We closed this weekend and it was rather sad because it was my last show at Normandale.
After La Mancah ended I decided to take a risk and audition at The Chanhassen Dinner theater. They are an incredibly exclusive theater and so when I got even a call back I was very surprised. A week later I got a call offering me the lead in their mainstage production of the musical, SWING. I was completely in shock and still am. It is going to be an incredibly tough process with only one day off a week and 8 shows per week but I am so so excited for it!
I have been working hard to maintain a 3.8 GPA which has only been a struggle due to so many other outside commitments. I have really enjoyed all the classes I am taking especially my Drama in Literature class. I get to read and write about plays all week... who wouldn't like that!
Now that I have a little more down time for a while, I will work very hard to write in here more often because I have quite a few things to say that I haven't had time before to rant about!
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Things dont always turn out...
Like you thought that they would!
But i love surprises...most of the time.
But i love surprises...most of the time.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
oh the french
I was reading "The Narnian," biography of C.S. Lewis and there's this story of how a very young Lewis (or Jacksie) approached his father and said,
"Father, I am prejudice against the french."
When his father asked him why, he said,
"I dont know, that's why its prejudice."
I thought that was funny.... and i quite agree.
"Father, I am prejudice against the french."
When his father asked him why, he said,
"I dont know, that's why its prejudice."
I thought that was funny.... and i quite agree.
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